What’s Keeping Me Going

A few things I love this week:

1. The new P!nk song, Try. Not sure what it is about it, but it’s a new earworm. She’s coming to Minneapolis next spring and I’m trying to figure out a way to win tickets. She’s only two years younger than I am, so I feel like it’s totally age-appropriate for me to see her perform.

2. Not caring about age-appropriateness, anyway. I went out with some girlfriends for a friend’s birthday last weekend and we went dancing. At a nightclub. Age be damned. I know there were at least three other people there older than me. Everyone in our group is a mom, and we laughed and danced and stayed out a little too late but had a blast. As one put it, “A perfectly awesome night.” What’s so incredible about being in my mid-thirties is that I just don’t care what other people think anymore. When I was 22 I never would have gone out without having my hair and makeup perfectly done, nor shown up to a club wearing glasses (bifocals,  no less). Even dressed up and wearing shiny lip gloss, I would have felt self-conscious. Now I simply do my thing, with my friends, and leave the worry behind. I’m old enough to realize no one at that club cared about what I was doing one way or the other.

3. Sleep. Last year, during my stressful separation and additionally stressful busy work season, I could not sleep for anything. My body rejected it like it was going to war and needed as much adrenaline as possible, 24 hours a day. I’d be hopeful and head to bed around midnight, then grow more and more anxious as first one o’clock passed, then two, and then maybe I’d hear the newspaper deliverer pull up outside of the driveway and throw my head back on the pillow in defeat. How I survived on only 4-5 hours of sleep each night for such a long stretch, I’ll never know, but I owe at least some of that survival to Diet Dr. Pepper.

This year I’m the opposite – I can’t seem to get enough sleep. I go to bed at 10:30 like a normal person and actually fall into slumber. I’m trying to get as much work done during the day as possible so that I don’t have to work until the wee hours of the morning. This is both a blessing and a curse – I feel slightly more well-rested this fall, but at the same time I’m not quite as productive because I can’t seem to stay awake later than 11pm and that’s kind of driving me nuts, but the alternative is worse.

4. My sister. She’s been a good voice of reason and tries to be patient with me when I call to cry or vent, even though she’s busy with her job and husband and baby. We don’t have our mom anymore, so it’s especially meaningful to have a woman in the family to talk to when I need that support.

5. I feel like this is so obvious I shouldn’t need to mention it – but my babies. Oh, my babies. All the way up to the nine year old. My time with them is more limited now and all I want is to see them when I’m not with them. Jonah, being the smallest, is subjected to the most hugs, simply because he’s little enough for me to scoop him up. I still try with the others, though, even if it makes them roll their eyes. Looking forward to fun Halloween festivities with them. They’ve all chosen costumes except for Miles; he’s always the last to pick as he’s prone to indecision. Can’t wait to see them all dressed up and excited for trick-or-treating.


Written for Just Write, and it’s not even 10pm yet.



  1. You gotta be you. Who cares what others think.

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