The Hiccup – Sidetracked in the Weight Loss Journey

I’ve blogged before about how I lost 45 pounds in two years. In 2011, eight years after my oldest child was born, I finally reached, and then dipped below, the weight I’d been when I got pregnant with him.

People noticed my weight loss. I was proud of myself for sticking with the lifestyle changes that helped me lose pounds, and then maintain that loss. Shopping for new clothes wasn’t quite as tortuous as before.

My emotions may be overly dramatic right now (disclaimer: I am terribly sleep-deprived, having less than five hours of sleep each of the last five nights), but I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve gained weight since March of this year. At least five pounds, though it could be more because lately I’m too scared to step on the scale. Why the rise in numbers? I’ve slacked off with my calorie counting, which I’ve learned is essential to my weight loss as well as maintaining my weight. I will never be someone who just effortlessly eats the proper number of calories in a day. Just as I’m horrible at time management, I’m awful at judging calories and staying within proper limits unless I record every bit of food I consume from breakfast to bedtime. Also, I stopped working out as much, and I don’t know why.

I had reached a point where I could jog three miles without having to stop to walk. I was doing Jillian Michaels DVDs and feeling strong. My Cardio Kick classes energized me. I could see definition in my arm and leg muscles. Then I let go.

Yes, I’m busy. I mean, I have four children and I work more hours than I should each week on my business. But that’s nothing new – I have no good excuse.

I’m stuck in a vicious cycle. It starts like this – I go a few days without working out and as a result my stress levels get higher and I feel badly about myself for not putting forth the effort. When I’m stressed and feeling guilty I pay less attention to what I’m eating. When I eat more I don’t feel like working out because I feel like I somehow ruined my day already. It’s destructive thinking.

I keep telling myself, “I will work out tomorrow. I will eat better tomorrow.” Well, I can tell you from past experience, with that mindset, tomorrow never comes. I lived that life for a few years between pregnancies, and I don’t want to live it again. I worked too hard these past years to just give up now.

As a perfectionist, it’s hard for me to admit I’m slipping. After feeling such pride in my weight loss I am beating myself up over this hiccup. But I can’t let it defeat me. I mean, I lost 45 pounds! In my thirties, with four children and part- to full-time job. If I can do that, I can conquer this (relatively) minor weight gain.

I can get back on track. I’m writing this blog post at 10:24 on a Saturday night as a way of stating my intentions, telling the great, wide world that yes, I will track my calories, and yes, I will get back to the gym. Not because society tells me I need to be a size four or because I think I’m a better person with a lower weight, but because I feel healthier, more energetic, more confident and less stressed when I pay attention to my health.

Tomorrow really is a new day, and tomorrow I get back on track.

Advertisements

Comments

  1. It’ll come back off. I’ve recently gained some back too, but I don’t beat myself up, I know with a little work it will come off.

    • Thanks for the reassurance! I’m someone who, unfortunately, ties too much of my emotion into the number on the scale. If it goes up even half a pound it can ruin my day. Trying to work on this!

  2. PushDumpFatButton says:

    Reblogged this on Push Dump Fat Button.

Trackbacks

  1. […] or can be saved, or which I can do without or don’t stand a chance at being accomplished. One of the first things I cut is exercise, sadly. Even though I know it will make me feel better and reduce stress, I also fear it will make […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: